Sometimes I feel I want to disappear.
This is how I know the demons are here.
They want me to fade, to cut and to starve.
So, on my bony wrists, I carve and i carve.
I can feel them
Around me
24/7.
They make me think life would be better in heaven.
Sleeping all day and sobbing all night,
The demons in my head make me feel I’m always right.
The cutting the starving the crying and drinking,
Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking.
Stop feeling, stop wanting, to be more like you.
More like anyone, but not me,
If only you knew.
But you don’t,
No one does.
Because how could they see?
This smile I’m faking is too deep in glee.
Too happy, too bright, too completely unbroken.
But the sad sad truth which no one has spoken:
We’re all a little crazy,
We’re all a little sad.
But the voice in my head tells me I’m very bad.
And I know this is true,
Maybe it’s not the voice,
To want to stop breathing,
To think that’s a choice?
I’m broken,
I’m plastered,
I’m beaten,
I’m numb.
Maybe, I hope,
someday this will come.
What will it feel like?
To disappear?
Maybe after I do,
My conscience will be clear.